Are you like me? Do you find it funny that people who run around dressed in black, carrying sticks and pepper spray, call themselves “anti-fascists?” It would be like Phil Robertson calling himself an “anti-redneck,” or Chelsea Clinton calling herself an “anti-Democrat.” Do these fascists really think their name fools us?
This weekend in Huntington Beach, California, a bunch of these thugs – and that’s what they are – pepper sprayed marchers and tried to beat people with their sticks, and a bunch of them managed to get the crap kicked out of them along the way. Sheriff’s officers used dogs and batons on them, and four are facing felony charges.
Now, this is California, so naturally, they’ll probably go to a jail where they’ll get organically-grown sprouts and quinoa salad, and charges will probably be plea-bargained down to spitting on the sidewalk. But, at least for a few hours, the cops held the upper hand. That’s always the case, until the politicians get involved. And then it’s someone’s spoiled rich kid sporting a shiner that causes some fat asshat to bellow “police brutality.” Nevermind the fact that these turds sprayed women in the eyes with pepper spray. Let’s be worried that Junior might have to see a therapist because of his trauma.
But it occurred to me that the next time the folks in Huntington Beach decide to hold one of these rallies, they need to invite some of their second cousins from Alabama, Mississippi, Georgia, South Carolina, Arkansas and Tennessee. Give us a couple of days notice because some of us will want to drive our pickups. Then, when these guys show up and want to cause trouble, they’ll run into a battalion of kick ass the likes of which they’ve never seen before. Instead of a few shiners and hurt feelings (“how dare that pig use his dog on me!”) they’ll be going to the orthopedic surgeon to have that knee replaced, or the oral surgeon to have that broken jaw set. You see, we know how to wear goggles to keep pepper spray out of our eyes, and we are more than capable of taking it away and using it against those who use it. Imagine how interested Antifa would be in disrupting Trump rallies if every time they did they came away with 12 hospitalized and every last one of them pepper sprayed with their own pepper spray. Imagine how fast they’d lose those pipes/sticks if one or two of them wound up shoved someplace the sun doesn’t shine.
Cop: Can you describe your attacker?
Thug: Yeah, he was big, had a beard, and he kept calling me names.
Cop: And what did he do?
Thug: He broke both my knees and then shot pepper spray up my nose.
Cop: And, perhaps you could explain why you’re sitting on that stool?
Thug: This isn’t a stool. I tried to hit him with this pipe, and after he took away my pants, he shoved it up my butt! But, I’m not upset about that…. It feels kinda… nice.
Edmund Burke said that the only thing necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing. The time has come for good men to come to the aid of those who want to see change in this country, and who will not sit still while our brothers and sisters are beaten and abused.
So, Antifa, listen up. We’re coming for you. Come to our rallies at your own risk. We are veterans. We’ve fought tougher enemies than you. We can take a punch better than you can. And when we finish with you, you’ll be sipping lunch through a straw and having both your knees replaced. So, bring it on. You’ll have lots of time for regret in the hospital.
The Well Armed Attorney 