I Quit (because you scare me)

Somebody call a Waahhmbulance!

So, Jacob Dorman, a college professor in Kansas, has resigned due to Campus Carry. Oh my, let’s all listen to the professor and see why he thinks academia is different from the real world.

First, he says something really stupid. He says students might be afraid to argue with a classmate in class because the other guy might pull out a gun and shoot them.  Is he really worried, or is he horriblizing?  You be the judge.

So, where is this phenomenon a regular occurrence in the real world? Do we see diagreements in restaurants where patrons shoot cooks, waiters, parents of crying children? No.

Do we see it in theaters where people talk all through the movie? No.

Do we see it at gas stations where all the pumps are full and Gladys ambles leisurely to the women’s room rather than move her car? No.

Do we see it at the grocery store when someone gets the wrong change? No.

Do we see it at the DMV, where God knows there is ample provocation to shoot someone? No.

Can the professor point to a single recent incident where someone has been shot as a result of an academic disagreement? No.  But that never stops gun grabbers and liberals.

Is the professor really projecting his own thoughts, that this is something he would do? Yes, probably. Because he is too much of a wussy to control his own actions, he wants to crawl under the bed like a 2 year old and hide from the Campus Carry boogeyman.

“Kansas will never secure the future that it deserves if it weakens its institutions of higher learning by driving off faculty members or applicants who feel as I do that there is no place for firearms in classrooms,” he writes.

Really, who decided this? For whom are you speaking here Mr. Professor? Do we know of even one applicant who has refused to come to Kansas because of concealed carry on campus?  Because they can’t go to Florida or Ohio either, both of which have had campus terror incidents and for which campus carry is a proposed fix.

Wouldn’t a more likely explanation for someone not going to Kansas to teach be that they prefer a place that doesn’t get colder than the Arctic Circle after November? Is it the fact that the land is flat and barren and waving wheat doesn’t do much to stop a 40 mph winter wind?  And might we add that Kansas and Toto came to our attention because spring tornadoes tend to visit with annoying regularity.

Could it be that perhaps the Kansas budget shortfall keeps wages for professors relatively low? Could it possibly be that there might be at least a dozen more important reasons someone would choose to teach at Pensacola State over Kansas State that have nothing to do with firearms? That is not only possible, it’s probable. Where does our esteemed professor offer us evidence of campus carry stopping any academician from applying? The only evidence he can offer is his cowardly resignation because he purportedly fears for his own safety.

I have another thesis. Perhaps our professor here is what’s known as a hard case. Perhaps he treats students like dirt. Perhaps he grades based on whim. Perhaps students hate him, and he has a legitimate reason to fear violence even outside the idea of available firearms on campus. Maybe this is the reason he now clings to the bedpost in a darkened bedroom while softly filling his underwear with fecal material.

And, aren’t professors supposed to avoid false analogies? Aren’t they supposed to be the ones to spot false dichotomies?

“Kansas can have great universities, or it can have concealed carry in classrooms, but it cannot have both.”

Really? Who says? Explain to me, professor, how the two are mutually exclusive. Do you really think a gun that sits on a woman’s hip and protects her on her trip to and from class is at odds with a great university? Should not a great university want to ensure that its citizens are safe? What better way to make sure a citizen is safe than to arm that citizen, train that citizen, and allow them to make their space safe without the need for coloring books, hot cocoa, or pharmacologic intervention?

Correct me if I am wrong, but the Air Force Academy, the Military Academy at West Point, the Naval Academy at Annapolis, and several private military colleges have guns as a part of their curriculum. Several sponsor shooting teams that compete in National Shoot Sports Foundation and IDPA events. Tell me how these are not great universities (without betraying your cowardly liberal disgust for people who stand for our country’s values and freedom).

But it’s Dorman’s roots in the counter-culture and left-coast soft-headed liberalism that is actually given away in his resignation letter. He says “recruiting the best trained professors necessarily means recruiting from coastal areas and progressive college towns, where most people do not believe that randomly arming untrained students is a proper exercise of the Second Amendment’s protection of a well-regulated militia.”

First, why on earth would Kansans, whose bedrock principles involve God, Family, Patriotism and Guns in roughly that order, want to bring in a bunch of stiff-necked, pointy-headed liberal academicians who think a pheasant is a misspelled synonym for student, who never stand for the National Anthem, and who prefer a fine Chardonnay over a cold Bud Light.  Why would Kansans want someone from Ivy League U to stink up their campus? Dorman is asserting his own history in this statement about recruitment. Why? Listen to how the University of Kansas describes him:

He received his Ph.D. in U.S. History from UCLA in 2004 and an A.B. from Stanford University summa cum laude in 1996. He has won an ACLS Charles Ryskamp Fellowship, a National Endowment for the Humanities Fellowship at the Newberry Library, the Andrew W. Mellon Postdoctoral Fellowship at the Wesleyan University Center for the Humanities, and research fellowships from Yale, Columbia, Duke, Wisconsin, the University of Texas, Harvard University’s Du Bois Institute, and the Hall Center for the Humanities of the University of Kansas.

In other words, he comes from the East Coast, was educated on the west coast, and although located in the department of History, is actually just a misplaced humanities guy. It is quite likely he has LIBERAL tattooed somewhere on his body.

Then there’s his scholarship. Chosen People: The Rise of American Black Israelite Religions (New York: Oxford University Press, 2013)

Does that sound like something you’re likely to pick up at Barnes and Noble? No, probably not. You might find it on Amazon, though, where this professor who thinks so highly of liberal free thought and the marketplace of ideas that you can buy his cure for insomnia for a scant $107 (which is probably a lot less than it sells for at the University book store).

Soon, the rest of the story will come out. We’ll soon learn the real reasons Dorman is leaving (perhaps a teaching gig at some Ivy League collection of the academically constipated where he needed to distinguish himself from the rest of the God and Gun Clingers from Kansas). It is doubtful that he left as a response to campus carry.

But hey, a guy has to do what he can to buttress his resume with largely symbolic acts of hubris.



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